To the Guy that watched me be a mom for 30 seconds...
To the guy that watched me be a mom for 30 seconds and decided that you knew all about my parenting skills. Enough so, that you thought it was your place to yell and scold me in front of my kids, my mother and father in law, and an arena full of wrestlers and fans. Telling me, in a very loud, stern voice, "That is Ridiculous parenting. The most Ridiculous parenting I have ever seen."
In those 30 seconds you saw my little boy pushing a stroller down an isle In front of the bleachers, past some stairs, around the corner out of my sight until he ran into another set of stairs that went up. At that point he turned the stroller around and came back to me. You were kind enough to help my little boy find his way back to me. In which I would have thanked you, had you not decided that because I was sitting in the bleachers, I was an unfit mother. Had you not decided in that 30 seconds that I was "The most ridiculous mother you had ever seen", I would have been glad for your help in helping a young mother, who definitely has her hands full right now, out.
In those 30 seconds, this is what you did not see. You did not see me standing and rocking my teething six month old as I tried to soothe him to sleep In the midst of chaos at a wrestling meet. You did not see me keep an eye on my said two year old as he walked all the way down the isle. You did not see me grab a wipe out of my bag, as I am rocking my fussy baby in my arms, reach down and clean up a wrapper from a peanut butter granola bar on the seat by my 4 year old daughter that has a life threatening allergy to peanuts and tree nuts and milk and eggs and sesame seed. Being extremely cautious to not touch the peanut butter so that I didn't have to go wash my hands with four children in tow. As I did this I still had an eye on my little boy. You did not see me congratulate my 10 year old and listen to his excited chatter about his match he just won all the while I watched my 2 year old turn the corner out of my sight. You didn't see that though. You didn't see that as soon as he turned the corner out of my sight I handed my crying baby off to my mother in law and said, " I need to go get the wanderer. He just turned the corner, he will probably turn around when he hits the stairs but I will go make sure." You didn't see that as soon as I started to walk that way I saw my little guy's little head peek around the corner pushing his stroller happy as could be back to me. So, yes when you came back walking behind my little boy I had sat down for a second because I could see him and I knew he was coming back. And frankly my back hurt like heck from all the stress that comes from loving and caring for four little ones. And with the baby handed off, and the four year old clear of peanut butter for five minutes and the two year old happily walking back to me, yes I sat for 30 seconds and breathed. And that is what you saw.
In my raw emotions I argued with you, loudly in front of everyone, and for that I am sorry. It didn't do any good anyway. When I tried to explain to you that you had no right to say what you did when I am trying my best to be a good mom and watch four kids at a place like this, all you could say was, "Well, if you keep parenting this ridiculously, you will have 3 kids to watch." That is when I knew trying to get through to you wasn't worth it. It would only hurt me more.
I am writing this now, not in vengeance but in hopes to shed some light into your eyes and all of our eyes. Moms are always under attack these days. Being a Mom is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is the most physically and emotionally exhausting thing I have ever been through. I was an NCAA all-region cross country and 5000m runner. I held the 5000m and 10000m record for Utah State University for 7 years. My day to day life as a mom drains me more physically and emotionally then any race I ever ran. (And I ran some pretty dang hard and fast races.) As moms we are in charge of the physical and emotional well beings of these little ones entrusted in our care. We have a huge responsibility placed upon our shoulders, and it is tough. It is tough enough without everyone watching us and making sure we are doing it exactly right. Exactly how they would. Why? Why do we do that? Why is it our place to tell someone that they are not up to the task?
We don't see the whole picture of others' lives. We don't see the whole situation. We see glimpses. We see little moments into other people's worlds. And through those glimpses, those moments we see, we cannot be expected to fully understand the whole picture. And without the whole picture how can we judge them righteously. And why do we need to judge them? Why can't we help and serve and love? I have been thinking a lot lately about parents that have been getting blamed for things in the news lately and my heart aches for them. My situation was so minuscule to theirs'.
I know that for all the judging and ridiculing of Mothers there is also praise and cheering. I saw that this week as well.
To the lady that watched me be a mom for about 30 seconds and realized I needed a hand. Thank you. Thank you for seeing me running into the arena. Baby in baby carrier in one arm, plate of food for my husband that is coaching in the other, and two year old and four year old holding on to my legs as we race through the parking lot to cheer on my ten year old. Thank you for seeing me stop in defeat as my two year old falls to the ground because I am trying to drag him along, and skins his knee. Thank you for stepping up out of nowhere saying, "let me help you." And taking the baby and the food so I could carry and comfort the two year old.
To the lady that watched me be a mom for 30 seconds when I did lose my two year old. You didn't need to see that he got out of my sight in the split second that I was buckling my baby in his car seat, getting my purse and helping my daughter up the stairs. You didn't have to see why I lost my son. You just knew that I lost him and I needed help finding him. Thank you for going one way while I went one way so that we could find him quick. And you did find him quick, while I was panicking. Thank you, lady.
To the man that watched me parent for 30 seconds, maybe I just saw a bad moment in your life when you decided to ridicule me. I don't know your big picture either. I don’t know your reasoning for being so upset with me. Maybe there is something behind the way you acted that if I knew I would understand more fully your reasoning for your actions, maybe you could use some kindness too.
To all you mom's out there that are doing your best day in and day out to keep your children clothed, fed, loved, safe, encouraged, and happy. Good job. You are doing a great job. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep pushing through the hard moments of Motherhood and enjoying the good moments. Look for the good in those around you. And if you see a mom with little ones that seems a little out of control and about to break, try setting aside your judgement and lend a helping hand. It goes a long way.